How Father-Daughter Bonds Encourage Resilience
Mother’s are a force to contend with and from every kissed injury to each perfectly packed lunch, they are adored without question. There is a deep sense of security I developed knowing that all I have to do is yell “MOMMYYYY” and my mom would come running. Mothers have their own unique way of encouraging resilience but it is important to see the part dads play in instilling confidence through a sense of belonging and secure emotional attachment.
Not too long ago, people all over the world celebrated Father’s Day and the wonderful men in their lives. The fathers, the grandfathers and the uncles who show up to sports games, applaud every piece of macaroni art, and never fail to support you in your wild endeavours. There is something special about the bond between father and daughter and the effects of a strong relationship between them often correlates to a young girl’s resilience. As a kid, my dad and I were very close and I must admit it that till today, those encounters give me the courage to be outspoken whenever I am dealing with conflict in the outside world.
My dad, brothers and I in Nigeria.
In a world of comparison, competition and consistent media scrutiny, the way young girls form their identities can be a difficult task and building a sense of confidence can be challenging. As little girls get older and more independent, the behaviours they learn through paternal relationships still carry over. Studies show that both young girls and boys gain a sense of grit through the adventurous outdoor play that often happens with their dads. [3]
Dads tend to instill a sense of independence and a stronger willingness to take risks when in playful situations. The ability to assess risks and take the plunge into unsure scenarios is a notable life skill that can be learned from the simple act of playing outside with your daughter. Although parenting styles are different, research from the St. Louis University found that there were 3 fundamental love languages that fathers expressed which had a tendency to build a sense of confidence: Secure Paternal Attachments, Words of Affirmation, and Quality Time. [3]
Secure Paternal Attachments:
The knowledge that dad will love her no matter what promotes a sense of independence in young women. Even after she has moved out and started her own life, the feeling of belonging that comes from paternal attachment provides a comfort zone that includes exploring new circumstances and trusting experiences. [3]
A study conducted at the University of Ottawa found that children who had close relationships with their fathers through welcome communication tended to have fewer tendencies towards anxiety and depression. Just the simple act of giving her your undivided attention without reproach helps her feel more secure in her ability to take on life’s challenges. [1]
Words of Affirmation:
It’s the little things we say that often have the greatest impact and studies show that when fathers encourage their little girls with words of acceptance, they are more inclined to have a stronger sense of self-esteem. [2] The positive encouragement fathers express creates an environment where young girls gain the sense that their opinions are worth listening to.
When I was a child, my father would tell anyone that would listen that I was smarter than my brothers because I sometimes got better grades. I’m sorry bros! My brother ended up becoming a Civil Engineer but whenever I would doubt myself, I would remember my dad’s words. I figured if my brother could do it, then so could I!
Through empathetic language, fathers can send verbal cues that show their daughter’s that they appreciate the challenges she may be facing. As dad’s sometimes you really don’t understand her internal struggle, however just offering her supportive words goes a long way in instilling an appreciation for perspective. In the likely event that your little girl encounters external conflict with her peers or teachers, she will draw on her memories of dad’s uplifting words to get through the situation.
The way dads make requests is also an important part of a young girl’s confidence development. Whenever you ask your daughter to do something, her confidence is built through an appreciation of the effort required for her to complete the given task. The key is to avoid being dismissive of the mental process it takes to overcome a challenge.
Quality Time:
The act of fathers taking the time out to spend with their little girls brings more than just great memories. Willingly and happily finding time to bond with your daughter builds up an emotional tank of sorts. The fact that you take time out of your busy day to focus on her is similar to the mental recharging of her inner strength. When dads show interest in their little girl’s experiences and feelings, they are more likely to persevere in the reality of failure. It helps to find things that both dad and daughter may have in common.
My dad and I used to bond over food when I was a kid and it would make me feel so special. He would take me out in the evenings and we would go get ice cream, street food or anything he knew I liked! So even if it’s something as mundane as a card game, it will give her the sense that she is important and worth spending time with. [3]
So don’t forget to give your daughter a call, play a game of checkers or just read that bedtime story because it matters!
Citation
Demidenko, N., Manion, I., & Lee, C. (2015). Father–Daughter Attachment and Communication in Depressed and Nondepressed Adolescent Girls. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 24(6), 1727-1734.
Howes, R. (2016). Point of View, The Five Languages of Love. Psychotherapy Networker, 40(3), Psychotherapy Networker, May/Jun 2016, Vol.40(3).
Maximo, S., & Carranza, J. (2016). Parental Attachment and Love Language as Determinants of Resilience Among Graduating University Students. SAGE Open, 6(1), SAGE Open, 04 January 2016, Vol.6(1).
Sağkal, A., Özdemir, Y., & Koruklu, N. (2018). Direct and indirect effects of father-daughter relationship on adolescent girls’ psychological outcomes: The role of basic psychological need satisfaction. Journal of Adolescence, 68, 32-39.